"...but Bobby still lacks confidence in himself"

.....So wrote JC Howell in my year end report at Old Oak Junior Mixed School in July 1955! 3rd in the final year and with grammar school entrance beckoning thanks to 11 plus success, this as history would show was my peak of academic achievement.... but yes, I lacked confidence!

And events through the subsequent teen years seem to confirm this lack of confidence. Always prefering to pay for cinema tickets rather than join my mates bunking in through the exit door. Attempting to "negotiate peace" when discovering the stranger I'd called "Fatty" was in fact Reg Chaplin one of the hardest kids in town. Wanting to talk about the views from her window when invited into the house of the most fanciable girl in Hammersmith.

Then in later life I learnt as we do that we are our own worst enemy when it comes to facing challenges or fulfilling potential. Came to understand how self-limiting beliefs undermine our confidence. Experienced how difficult things become achievable when you simply adopt a positive attitude.

Then it's "hey...look at me mother!" And I'm out there! Public speaking. Running training sessions. Working the room at business network events. And if honest, slightly enjoying the moment when someone says "oh I couldn't do what you do!"

But like so many afflictions, and self-confidence is one, it doesn't go away. It gets pushed to the back of the mind but can be triggered off by something. Like an invitation to a party.

It was my great friend Miriam's 50th! Of course we would go. But as the day approaches I get those worries about meeting strangers. Think about those awkward social moments.
And adding to the pressure of social acceptance..
we've got to follow a "seaside madness" fancy dress theme.

So I get all worried. Start telling myself that I won't enjoy myself. Have thoughts that are totally self-inflicted concerns. As well as being completely daft!
The evening was brilliant. My "Englishman wearing a bandana in knotted hankie style" outfit was a hit. Contingency plans to leave at "about 10!" went totally by the board, as we enjoyed the company of some lovely people - and met a few interesting ones too!!

So looking back at JC's comments in that school report I do wonder how they may have influenced me in those teen and early adult years? I should have skipped over them to JP Widrig's, after all as Headmaster he had to be wiser. He simply observed "On your own two feet from now onwards!"